183. Halfway

My original idea was to write one blog per day for a year. September 2018 to September 2019.

Easier said than done. The reality is that life gets in the way, with its schedules, moods and fatigues. So the new target is to allow myself about 14 months. But to still write 365 blogs, that wrap up the course of this life. This means that the halfway line has been reached.

While I suck on a lemon slice, and retie my laces, some observations come to mind. Digging back through my life has been at times joyful and at other times torturous. Maybe that is normal? I have no idea.

Remembering when I was happy certainly brings a surge of happiness into the present moment. I find myself creasing up, often crying with laughter at the funniest bits. Not sure anybody else found it amusing, but I am grinning now at the drunken notion in Blog 100 of pulling someone’s head off because they dared knock over our drinks. And Blog 145, my favourite joke. The piano player with Tourettes. Also Sue holding up that magazine as she sank below the river in the last blog. Or when Eric walked into my bedroom to see me strumming along meatily to ‘Smoke on the Water’ (Blog 20).

The surprise bonus is how catharsis comes knocking after the effort of recalling and mapping out the difficult times. I never relish that task. Opening apertures to darker periods causes some very real depression in the here and now. The feelings can linger heavily and gloomily for a day or more. And then some kind of psychological magic goes to work. The poisons leech out.

Absorbed by the gift of confession? Cauterised by exposure to the light? The blogs can theoretically be seen by anyone around the world able to read English.

However it works, there is a substantial healing to old wounds. Maybe not completely, but more than enough new strength is accrued each time to push me on and down into the next looming trough. (Can a trough loom?)

There is never much of a writing plan, aside from a rough chronological timeline. I like to let spontaneity have its head. To wake up quietly, have a coffee, watch the sun rise, and let the subject matter reveal itself. What is asking to be written today?

Finally, thanks very much to everybody that has shown appreciation, or commented. It’s a lovely feeling to get positive feedback.